literature

Comatose

Deviation Actions

Miabia100's avatar
By
Published:
639 Views

Literature Text

Comatose by Miabia100

Comatose

‘Closeness’ contest entry

I hope you all enjoy.

  

I highly suggest listening to ‘Holy Smoke’ by Vashti Bunyan on Soundcloud while reading this, it really gives it the light, dreamy theme I’d like to stick with during the entire story. Thank you.



.
.
.
.

 

  My eyes were glazed over as I stared out to an ever so inviting river. The foam rose and receded in quick fluid movements that caused me to flicker my eyes back and forth with little hesitation. There was just something about the water that I couldn’t quiet grasp, it was calming and beautiful, the radiant shades of blue and green, it was so opaque, so perfect. I pushed a few strands of curly strawberry blonde hair behind my ear before shutting the window; the cool wind of winter had decided to make its appearance on this November day. The snow had recently befallen onto this land mere hours ago, the first snow of winter.

 

I smiled at this; I adored this time of year. The scent of freshly baked cookies, the warmth of the fire, the scent of peppermint, the sizzle of oven baked foods, the felt of a sweater, or the scent of old clothes. There was just something amazing about it all, perhaps it was the closeness you get amongst your family and friends or maybe it was that sense of solitude people get. A nice cup of cinnamon tea along with a book, an old favorite that could thrust you into nostalgia even if just for a moment, it was always worth it.

 

I peeled back the drapery of my humble yet cozy abode, the treat finally being hidden behind the curtain of a storm. The small flakes of snow danced across my vision as it began to pick up. “So stunning,“ it felt so serene, in the utter silence of the early evening, so perfect…well…it was until I noticed something in the corner of my hazel eyes. I spotted a lone figure outside my door; they seemed to be waiting for something. I decided to continue on as normal, although I was alone in this neck of the woods, it was somewhat normal for me to get a lost hiker. They must have gotten trapped within the thickets after the storm hit us so high in the mountains.

 

I sighed.

 

“I should probably get a room situated for this person.” I quickly scurried towards one of the rooms in my house, patted down the bed just in time to get the door. The banging was subtle yet at the same time panicky but I brushed it off as fear. In this situation I’d be fearful as well, no worries friend. I pulled the door open to spot the figure, a good foot and a half taller than myself, a man I assumed. His form was hidden behind bundles and bundles of clothes, he must have been a traveler, the only thing that could be seen as his own flesh and blood was his eyes which stared directly into my own, I could see faint fear behind them before vanishing, the brightness of thankfulness washed over the rekindled lavender.

 

What a strange color, it was alluring nonetheless.

 

“Ms.?” He called out softly, my cheeks a bright pink; I hadn’t realized how long I’d been staring into his eyes, chestnut against lilac. “I’m sorry to intrude but I’m in need of a place to stay, just for the night.” I smiled, for some reason I felt compelled to let him in, so, I widened my door to the snow-clad stranger.


“I’m Penelope…Please make yourself at home….err..”

 

“Jasper.” His voice was somewhat disembodied but I took no notice to it, I instead took a few sips of my tea, showing him the coat rack in said process. “Thank you.” He grunted out while removing his many layers of coats, scarves, and headpieces. Not only are his eyes strikingly different but so was his hair, although the color red wasn’t very striking especially when well acquainted with brown or blond undertones this characters hair was a deep crimson. I decided to leave it to a dye experiment gone wrong but his just as vibrant eyebrows told me otherwise.

 

I turned away to pour another cup of tea for my new guest, Jasper. I could hear the scuttle of feet from behind me to which I ignored, my eyes closed in content and my voice with a silent hum. “If I may ask,” I paused to see what my counterpart would say in response.

 

“Sure.” I nodded.

 

“What brings you to the Fjord Mountains?” I knew that this area was a great tourist attraction but I was generally interested, many dreaded coming this way in November because of how high not only the submit was but also because of how chilly it got.

 

“I came because of the sites,” he chuckled at this, as if this was the most obvious reason for him to be here. “Although, I also couldn’t help but take the chance to get away for a while.” I nodded, I suppose this time of year was chillier than most but when one wants time to themselves, they want it. I should know this; I am after all alone most of the time.

 

Which is not necessarily a bad thing, it’s just my thing.

 

“No one would let me in, they’d shut their blinds and lock their doors before blowing out all their candles. A very…welcoming bunch if I might say.” I pondered at this, his face in discontent I let out a few chuckles, those were my neighbors of course, a band of brothers whom weren’t very kind to outsiders.

 

“If I wasn’t mistaken I’d say my height alone scared them off.” I nodded, it was true, he was noticeably taller than many of the people here. I’d say 6’5 (195 cm) on top of being covered in snow….they probably thought he was the abominable snowman.

 

“I don’t think that’s a valid reason to do that to someone, I’ll speak with them if It’ll make you feel—” He rose his semi gloved hand up, it hovered over my lips, I could make out the small green fibers that made up the warm clothe. “Or not.” I smiled brightly to which he returned with a lazy grin. I had to admit, it fit him well.

 

“I don’t want to cause any trouble,” he removed the remainder of his glove and went down to pull off his snow boots. “But thank you, it means a lot to have a stranger do that for me.” I nodded awkwardly; the room grew quiet, aside from the sound of clinking from his boots it was a thick silence. I pressed my pink lips together in wonder; what could I ask him, I knew that this would be a rather inconvenient night for the both of us, but I needed to keep the mood hearty despite the odd circumstances.

 

“Uh…. are you hungry?” He looked up to me quickly, his bright amethyst eyes danced across my own leafy ones as a large grin wormed its way across his face.

 

“I could eat.”

 

.

.

.

 

I was perplexed; how exactly could one drink that much water in one sitting? I stared over to my counterpart whom was on their fifth helping of stockfish. I too enjoyed the meal having finished nearly forty minutes ago with my second helping. This was ridiculous yet I couldn’t help but giggle at his childish manners. Where had the solemn yet serious young man from earlier gone? His eyes twinkled like that of a child on Christmas day, each bite brightening up his face slightly; it was fascinating.

 

“I’m glad you’re enjoying the meal, I do hope that you hadn’t been starving yourself while on the mountain.” I let out softly, my fingers dipping into my forearm as I pressed on with more self-impending questions.

 

He slurped quickly before responding with a shake of the noggin. “No, no, I just hadn’t really thought much about food after breakfast this morning.” I stared at him, it was nearly eleven o’clock in the evening yet he was talking about eating breakfast like it was only noon. Such an odd man Jasper was. I suppose he’d caught site of my facial expression because his eyes softened immensely. “Please don’t worry, Penelope, I just didn’t think about it, it was very idiotic of me.” My face settled at his words, I shook my head and poured him another cup of water, bringing the pan full of leftovers over to him.

 

“Would you like some more?”

 

“Oh no, I’ve probably eaten you out of a pantry.” He chuckled and I smiled.

 

“Trust me, you’re doing me good. I always end up either making too much or buying too much, force of habit.” This had caught his attention; he scratched the side of his face before nodding. “I come from a very large family of nine. I’m the second youngest.” He paused taking in this information. “But I’ve recently move away from them for closure.” He frowned at this.

 

“Do tell I’d love to hear about it.” I shot him an interested look; he wanted to know about my past? That’s a first. “You just seem interesting is all, I don’t mean to pry but I’m all ears.” I stood up and walked over to my couch, patting the seat besides me Jasper followed like a lost pup.

 

“It’s a long one but I’m sure you’re more than willing at this point.” His smile refused to falter. I sighed and lifted my leg up onto the couch to get a bit of momentum. “I think it all started after my younger sister passed, she was like the baby of the family despite being in her early twenties, she was a smart girl whom always loved to converse and what not, like a social butterfly.” I paused to see Jaspers reaction, he simply stared back at me, I turned over to the closed window. The snow was coming down harder. “But, ever since her passing, via car accident, my family have hounded down on me constantly, since I’d be considered the ‘youngest’ at this point. I love them, I really do but I couldn’t stick around them for much longer or else I may have gone insane.” I bowed my head down in defeat, this was such a sad tale yet I was being selfish, as my older brother put, I was being selfish with the amount of care they were putting into making sure I didn’t get hurt like she had. “I’m almost thirty yet I was being treated like a fourteen year old.”

 

“I might not know exactly how you feel since I’m an only child, but I know that your family is wrong for hounding you.” I blinked a few times, the feeling of sadness creeping from beneath my eyelids. “Have you tried talking to them?” I shook my head, no, I hadn’t. It’s been a while since I’d spoken to someone not even my neighbors whom were only three miles down the mountain. “You should. Staying up here like this, isolated, is probably not a great idea.” He chuckled a bit, I sighed once again. He was right, no matter how much I felt like this was the best option, it wasn’t.

 

“Gosh I’m lonely…” I let out a few pitiful giggles, despite how embarrassing it was to talk about these things with a person whom I’d only just met mere hours ago I felt at peace with it, it was a nice change of pace for me. Plus, I’d probably never even see this man again.

 

“You know…if you’re lonely I could always spend the rest of my trip with you, if you’d have me. I don’t mean that in any other way aside from friendly conversion!” He let out quickly his bright plum eyes were wide and his pale cheeks were brushed vermillion.

 

This was cute.

 

“I’d….I’d really like that.” I whispered out softly, my eyes back towards the large window.

 

.

.

.

 

I hadn’t realized how long I’d been apart from regular human interaction until the next morning. After a relatively calm rest I’d awoken to my kitchen, which seemed to have a mind of its own. Pans fell and plates broke, I freaked out thinking it was of supernatural causes before grabbing my bat. I threw on a bath rob and rushed out to the hallway. I spotted a fiery head of hair.

 

“Jasper?” I called out; he looked over to me, a weary smile on his lips as he tried to hide something behind his back. “What are you doing…?” I questioned him trying to see what he was trying to sneak passed me.

 

“Uh…I was going to make you breakfast since you were so kind to me yesterday.” I nodded slowly, backing away so that I could hide the bat, I wouldn’t want him to think that I was batshit crazy, no pun intended. “Well, as you can see, I’m not very good at cooking.” He scratched the back of his neck, his stance radiating embarrassment.

 

“I see…..what are you hiding though?” Slowly but surely he lifted his left hand over to me, it was a smoking pan along with an inflamed hand. I pulled out an oven mitten and carefully brought it over to the sink before dousing it in cold water. The steam soon dissipated. “Go to the bathroom and rinse your hand! Are you crazy?” I shouted, how does one stand and watch as their possibly 3rd degree burned hand simmers?

 

“Why do I feel like this is going to be reoccurring?”  I sighed and placed the pan in the soap filled sink to see if any of the hardened egg would come off. I turned back over to my kitchen to see a few pots out of place along with a large mess of broken eggs and a mixer that had covered much of my island in powder.

 

I sighed once more.

 

“Hey, Penelope? Shouldn’t I wrap this in a bandage?” I sat the newly made batter down and stalked down the hall to the bathroom. I pushed the door open and pulled out some ointment cream.

 

“First, so the blistering is less painful later on we need to put ointment on it.” I rubbed it in quickly, his face changing in irritation before the cooling process began. “Now, we wrap it in a bandage.” I slowly rolled the bandage around his hand before patting it down gently. “Ok, you’re good to go, in a few hours we’ll need to change it out again.” He smiled gratefully and without hesitation gave me a bear hug. This was a foreign feeling; I hadn’t spoken to anyone in weeks let alone made contact with someone.


“Sorry for being so sudden but thank you so much. You’ve been nothing but kind to me and it’s only been a day.” I smiled and nodded as we let go.

 

“No problem, I’m one to forgive—

 

“— and forget.” Jasper beamed at this. “I see you’ve stolen my saying.” I pondered, I’d heard another person say it before but I couldn’t recall whom. “I’m going to try and finish making breakfast.” I shook my head and criss crossed my arms across my chest in dismay.

 

“How about I do it.” He sulked.

 

“But this is a thank you breakfast.” I sighed, deciding to consul with him.

 

“How about I sit and watch to make sure you don’t inevitably kill us both.” He thumbed up the idea. “Deal then?”

 

“Deal.”

 

.

.

.

 

 

“At least they’re edible…I think.” The pancakes were charcoal black and the eggs were rock hard. “I did my best….you watched.” I couldn’t help but chuckle at his antics; his cheeks burned brick as I continued to gasp for air.

“I guess you’re cursed because everything was right….as far as I could tell…” I smiled wearily at the plate as my giggles died down.

 

“Well, aren’t you going to try it? It may look like shit but that doesn’t mean that it’ll taste like shit…Plus you keep laughing at me so the least you can do is take a few bites.” I grumbled; my stomach was doing disturbed flips at the plate in front of me. Oh god no, oh god no please.

 

“S-sure.” Jasper pushed the plate closer to me before handing me a silver fork.

 

“Eat up, I want to see if I’ve improved at all.” I sighed and nose-dived the food, pushing it into my mouth with my nose pinched tightly. I chewed tasting the inevitable as my uvula started to react with the rancid food. I continued on like a warrior, tears in my eyes, Jasper seemed very pleased. “You like it!” He pressed his hands together and did a weird dance in apparent happiness. “I’ll have to make us dinner too then.” I stood up as fast as I could before rushing back over to the bathroom to upheave. I could hear footsteps behind me but I just continued to vomit in the toilet. “I’ll take that as a no..”

 

I pulled my head from the toilet to speak only for more egg to come up, ‘why did I decide to eat this?’ I cried in my mind, the contents of it only revolved around the titian haired male whom at this point was debating whether or not to call for help, his cheeks once again were rose, his violet eyes panicky and his mouth slanted to the side. I barely even realized that he was speaking. “Penelope did I kill you? Did my food kill you? I’m sorry! Please don’t sue me or something.” I felt like a five year old was trying to get out of trouble and despite puking my guts out because of him, I wasn’t upset or angry, just indifferent.

 

“Y-you’re fine, it was an honest mistake despite making a new brand of poison, you didn’t mean to so it’s alright.” I pushed my hair out of my face as sweat practically dripped from my very being. “Can you hold—“ I felt my long hair uplift by the hands of Jasper.

 

“You don’t have to ask, I was wondering if you wanted me to but…” I nodded feeling my cheeks burn up in utmost embarrassment. After minutes of awkward proximity I felt my stomach relax, I laid back in relief. No emergency room today, I don’t have to get my stomach pumped. I felt my body tense up as my back leaned up against the ‘softest’ of walls. He didn’t say anything in defense so I kept to myself; we just stayed like this, until the scent of toilet water and strawberry soap wafted up our noses.


“Um…thanks.” I smiled wearily; he returned the smile before helping me up.

 

“So…about that dinner—“

“I’ll make it.” I patted down on my clothes, ready to take a long break. “You can help if you’d like,” his face beamed. “With reading the directions.” Jasper pondered for a moment before speaking up.

 

“This pretty much defeats the point but...” I grinned and exited the bathroom with him in toe. “It’s only a little over noon…” I nodded without turning to meet eyes with him.

 

“Yes it is…” We turned a corner back into the monstrous kitchen. Where smoke from stale black eggs sat, a cloud of powdered pancakes lay out on the stove, a fallen plate sits on the floor, broken. “Well I know how I’m spending my afternoon.” I blinked once and then twice while gazing intently. I turned to Jasper who seemed to be chagrined and dishelmed with the mess, his eyes downcast in mortification.


“I can clean it up, I swear I won’t destroy the kitchen again.” I shook my head and took hold of his hands, they was warm.  “Really Penelope don’t worry about it, I work at a diner an—“

 

“We can do it together, don’t fret.”  I whispered out, I usually would have been mortified to find my kitchen, my crisp, clean kitchen, in such disarray but I didn’t seem to mind. I was aware of this fact, but I couldn’t bring myself to yell at Jasper. Someone whom I’d known for less than a day. I continued to think over this as the minutes passed by, my eyes continuously and accidentally meeting with his as I mopped, my eyes on the back of his head as he made another turn to wipe down the counters.

 

Maybe it was because you’ve fallen for him you dolt.

 

I suppose I had…in such a short amount of time? That’s just fairytale nonsense….but at the same time it was very much possible. We were nearly finished when I took this into actual consideration, I knew next to nothing about him but I was ok with this, I didn’t ask him any questions because they were never offered. He honestly seemed to enjoy hearing about others before himself, which was a plus in my eyes but also a minus if I wanted us to be a thing.

 

Even without said information I didn’t seem to care let alone want to know at this time. He’d be here for at least a few more days and in these days I was sure I’d get to know more than just his name and age. This was something so foreign to me, so different; human interaction on an intimate level? In my book that was unheard of but at the same time I was sure I’d get used it, which would possibly turn an imposing situation, into an adventurous lifetime.

But all good things must come to an end so I flipped the page and shut the book.

 

The End

 

 

“I could feel a tug at my heart, a lingering feeling resided over me as the night continued to wane on. Why couldn’t this happen in real life…or at least a movie about this so we can watch it play through…that would be awesome.” —Writer of Comatose

Perhaps I’ll make a part two….but for the contest this is the end.  ;___; I would have loved to make this much longer…but the limit was 5,000 words.

Entry for :iconwriters--club:

Word count 3,640

I honestly thought I wouldn’t make this contest but I did it! Yay!

 

© 2014 - 2024 Miabia100
Comments12
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Schwannie's avatar
AMAZED AT HOWMPERF OT IS